rawr_godzilla

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 04:17:43 GMT

Apparently I straighten my hair when I'm upset.

I feel better now: my hair is nice, sleek, and shiny.

I think I probably do it because at a subconscious level (or a superficial level, to be more prescice) it puts me in closer proximity to the culturally idealistic vision of the Pretty Girl, the American Girl, the Girl that Everyone Likes.

Too bad superficiality only goes so far.

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 06:11:03 GMT

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow

You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer

A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.

While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.

Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done

You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 00:01:56 GMT

Okay I'm so sorry but I was just talking to my friend and she provided me with a great piece of motivation! Her roommate is about 4'9'' and weighs about 160 lbs - she looks kind of like a female Danny DeVito (oh man I feel so mean right now) but I was over there last night and she and her friend were eating KFC and McDonalds. The same meal! And just now my friend told me that she saw her roommate laughing something just now "and her arms looked like California undergoing a 9.5 earthquake."

So yeah there's my inspiration for today!

Weird Freaking Dream.

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 14:44:26 GMT

So I had a dream that my friend Brittany and I (we live in Texas) were back in our senior year of high school (horror!) and had decided to transfer to the private school that I went to for sixth and seventh grade, Foundations Academy. Which is in Boise, Idaho. Huh.

But yeah so we were decked out in the whole penny loafers and knee high stockings and pleated, plaid skirts, white oxford button up shirts, and stylishly preppy navy blue cardigans (can you tell I actually really miss my uniform?) and magically we were in the classroom. Pretty sure it was the same one I spent seventh grade in, but it's hard to tell for sure.

Yeahh. So apparently when I was petitioning to get back into Foundations for my senior year, I threw a wad of paper at the Headmaster (at my time, he was since fired for being too liberal which is CRAZY since he was scary conservative when I knew him) and smiled charmingly, but it would seem that he was actually quite upset that I had launched an assault on him and ALMOST didn't let me into the school... but since he'd been saving a desk for me ever since I left after seventh grade, he relented.

The first day of class I sat next to my friend Kelly (who went to my high school in Texas, not Foundations! Kelly, what are you DOING there??) and there was some weird dude in a wheelchair and I kept rapping and everyone kept looking at me funny. And then there was this thing with Aqua Teen Hunger Force and robots and this Anti-Truth(TM) space-ship thing that was apparently the evidence needed to destroy religion or whatever, and then there was this really scary black lady (I think she was the assistant Freya lady form Aeon Flux, actually) and she kept waving her arms around and yelling, "OOOOHHHH JESUS. Yeah." And then she tried to brainwash Brittany into destroying the Anti-Truth(TM) machine, but I stopped her with a brilliantly timed wad of paper.

But I think I got smarter just being at Foundations, in my dream. It was a good school (sort of...?) for all of its quirks. No seriously that place was hilarious. I was in Advanced Latin within a year and I swear to god I memorized 2000 years worth of history: I kid you not, it was my sixth grade history final. Recited it, then wrote a paper. Fuck, dude. But they also fired a headmaster because he wanted to open a computer lap. Fired a science teacher because she had us read Origin of Species. Fired another headmaster because he wasn't conservative or fundamentalist enough. Hmmm.

But the uniforms!

Rambling!

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 22:23:59 GMT

Alright! Got up at seven thirty and went to the gym. It was fun and I felt totally in the zone but I can tell that I'm sooo out of shape. I need to be really regular about going when it opens every morning but my study schedule is so weird that sometimes I'm up so late one day and sleeping in until one the next day. It's kind of embarrassing. I just need to get a schedule down!

But yeah my Writing Literary Analysis and Interpretation professor was at the gym again. I was going to go say hi but I'm pretty sure she would have died from my stench. Sigh. Oh, working out. What a love-hate relationship!

But yeah other than that I've been obsessively looking over the PA waiting room (and how silly is it that a support site has a waiting room? I feel like this is a repeat of high school, except this time the popular girls have an application process) to distract myself from getting hungry. And it's been working! I haven't eaten anything yet today! I'm going to have a yogurt later, after I make sure that's all I'm going to eat today. Yummm yogurt.

I still feel really weird, though. This is the first time I've been so methodical about ana. Last time I just decided that I was a fatass (and I was, 175 lbs, my GOD) and should probably quit that eating thing. But at the same time I was in a Girls' Fitness class that had us running for 20 minutes every morning, which probably helped me chuck that weight out of the window. But I didn't like sit down and say to myself, "Hey Sarah! This is anorexia. Ready to start counting calories?"

So I guess I feel sort of... slightly poser-ish? Slightly mechanical. Like I'm cheating or something. I'm trying to recapture habits I had before I regained a lot of the weight, and so I feel like maybe I don't have a place in any of the online ana communities. Like the other girls (and guy!) are a lot more justified in being there.

BAH! I dunno! This was an extremely (and unnecessarily) long post, hooray!

OMG.

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 23:26:51 GMT

HATBOT!

I'm probably way more excited about this than I should be. But... also, what an honor! Hahaha. This is totally going in my memories.

PS: Dear lord, I'm a nerd.

In Other News: Ridiculous!

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 23:20:33 GMT

So... waiting for membership in both The Waiting Room and PA. Haha... it's kind of weirding me out. I've never been vocal about this at all. It still seems sick to be wanting to do this. Am I as messed up as I feel?

Argh, man. Are you listening to this? Holy crap, I should be a Dashboard song.

Fight Test!

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 22:45:38 GMT

Mostly just checking it out for right now.
Yep. I feel like I'm in high school again. Woe!